Part 1 - Romantic vs. Rational

(tuesday morning)

last week i got the idea that i would make taryn a cd full of “lovy dovy” music. not the mushy kind, but the happy up beat kind. since she loves country music that it what i planned on making it of. so i went through my music library and found about 90 possible songs which i needed to listen to find the 20 or so that i would put on the cd. over the weekend i narrowed it down to 42 and finally 23. i even made a cd cover with a list of the songs on it.




sunday i called taryn to find out how her weekend went, but she didn't call me back. no big deal right? monday evening i gave her a call to find out if i could take her to lunch tuesday, but once again she didn't call me back. from what i know of taryn this isn't like her so i started to worry a bit. i started to wonder if something had happened to her or a family member. this morning, tuesday morning, i called her work to find out if everything was okay, and she said it was and that she was going to call me later that afternoon. then i asked if she would like for me to take her out to lunch and she said "i don't think so." to further confirm what was going through my mind i asked if we were still on for that night and she replied in a meek and sympathetic voice, "no." since she was at work i wasn't going to have her give me the speech that i knew would be coming, thus i told her that we could talk about it later.

at this point i was sad. though i hadn't been told that after 3 1/2 weeks of having an awesome time together it wasn't going to work out. i knew that is what was coming. after having a stressful day monday this wasn't what i wanted going through my mind and i knew that i needed to vent some of the stress that i was experiencing so i put on my running shoes, stretched, and took off running. after getting back from my run i felt better physically, but i was still sad. at this point i laid on my living room floor and prayed to God. i told God that though i hadn't heard it from taryn i pretty much knew what she was going to tell me later today and i wasn't going to pray that my thoughts weren't true. instead i prayed that God's will be done. despite my free will i do not own myself. for it is from him i came and to him i will go, and though i hardly understand why events happen the way they do, it is for a purpose far greater than i can see.

i've taken a few personality test over the past few years and it has been confirmed that i am a romantic, and that romantics are willing to fall flat on their face trying to find love. speaking from experience i can say that this is true. as i sit here and type this i can't help but be thankful for the time that i had with taryn during our fire cracker relationship, and i'm even more thankful that i only had to fall from the height of a bottle rocket and not a space ship in orbit. i've been in that space ship before and let me tell you, it hurts when it hits the ground. now as i sit here i struggle over the decision of whether or not to take the cd i made for taryn the 48 miles to her mail box. the romantic in me says to do it. it was made from the heart and it will make a statement as to how you feel. the rational part of my mind is telling me not to waste my time. that is 96 miles round trip for a girl that obviouly doesn't feel the same about you. normally my rational side wins hands down, but today is different. this isn't a cd or dvd we are talking about. i do not long for a cd or dvd like i long to be loved by a woman.