J-Lay

"Should've Been A Cowboy"

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Doin' Alright

it has been two weeks since my mom died, and i'm doing alright. i give a lot of credit to God, and the countless prayers of family and friends. for i strongly believe in the power of both.

to a degree the thought of her being dead is still surreal to me. i live in texas and she lived in oregon. it isn't as if we could see each other often. a large part of our relationship over the past few years has been by telephone. we would talk on the telephone once or twice a month and it hasn't been quite a month since we last spoke. thus, my life hasn't changed much to this point.

i don't wake up every morning in an empty bed that had been occupied by two, or sit down for dinner with her as i did as a child. i'm only saddened when i think about not being able to talk to her anymore, visit her from time to time, or share special moments that she looked forward to experiencing. moments such as attending my wedding, or holding a grandchild. i believe it will be during those moments that i will be impacted the most.

right now all that has happened is that i've been told something is gone. i have yet to truly experience it. as i sit and type this post tears run down my face. tears caused only by the thought of my mom being gone, but i know the day will come when i flip open my phone to call her, or i'll want to visit her and i'll realize that can never happen. though those moments will bring sorrow it will not last forever. i think it is okay to think about the past, and laugh and cry because of it, but we must live in the present and for the future that God has in store for us.

my mom impacted mine and many other’s lives in an immense way, and it is our job to do the same. the greatest joy one can experience is being the source of another’s joy, and that is what i strive to do on a daily basis.

4 Comments:

At 4/09/2007 7:42 PM, Blogger Rya said...

I can't imagine how hard it is to lose a parent. It's nice to hear you're doing alright.

 
At 4/10/2007 8:03 PM, Anonymous faith said...

*HUGS*

I have thought of you lately and I wish I had come by your blog, I'm sorry I did not.

Bless you Jason

It's an uphill/downhill thing, but you are letting yourself be sad, and that's good.

You are in my thoughts

 
At 4/11/2007 6:11 PM, Anonymous audrey said...

Hey there - just thinking about you today. Your mom did impact many people (including me) and she was loved by many people. Hang in there and know that I'm still praying for you lots!! LOVE YOU!!

 
At 4/23/2007 7:15 AM, Blogger Lindsay said...

j

hope you are doing okay......i am glad your weekend in austin was amazing and helped w/ everything going on.

 

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