Bummed and Confused

i'm a bit bummed at the moment. i'm also a bit confused. you see, two months ago i met a girl via match.com named melissa. i had to work hard to get her to pay me any attention, and it paid off. over the last five weeks we have had several good telephone conversations and a few more via AIM. during the past three weeks we have scheduled three different first dates. the first of which was rescheduled due to her being sick. the second was rescheduled on behalf of a pipe bursting in my apartment and her still being sick. the third date was canceled because her brother surprised her family by flying in from arizona the day that our date was scheduled.

it was at this point that i told her that i understood her reason for canceling and that i would have done the same thing if i were her, and i promised i would call her after christmas to find out how her holiday went. as i promised i called her on monday night, but was only able to leave a voice mail. tuesday i called and didn't leave a message. instead i sent her an email asking about her holiday weekend and told her about mine. wednesday i sent her a picture of a bouquet of flowers since i didn't know her home or work address, and i also called that night, but no answer.

so now it is thursday morning. i sit here typing this post in a bummed and confused. i’m bummed because i feel ignored and confused because i thought things were going good. i'm starting to wonder if she had a change of heart over the holiday or maybe, like a lot of women, feels bad for telling a guy to leave her alone and is just ignoring me while hoping that i quietly go away. i can't help but wonder if she would have given me the telephone number to the rejection hotline when i asked for hers. (the rejection hotline is real and very funny) i could be all wrong about this. she might just be extremely busy do to missing so much work before christmas and has a lot on her plate this week. never the less, i would at least like an email telling me this. i have even wondered if something may have happened to her, but that idea is canceled out by the fact that i saw her on AIM a couple of nights ago and sent her a message that never got a reply.

i've been dating online for three years now and i've seen this pattern before. the difference this time is that through our many conversations i've allowed myself to develop a longing to meet her. i can't help be think about her often and wonder what she is like in person. i know she is very beautiful because of the fifteen or so photos she has sent me, and i know we have had good chemistry over the phone and AIM. i now sit here wondering if i'll ever get a chance to find out if we have any real life chemistry. i’m also wondering how i allowed myself to develop this longing for her. i guess that’s the romantic in me. i’m told that being willing to fall flat on your face in pursuit of love is an attribute of a romantic. i fell hard on my face a few years back and have been successful in avoiding it again. i’m not head over heals in love with melissa. heck, i’ve never even met her, but i can feel myself stumbling. I wouldn’t say I’m about to fall on my face again, but i might still skin my hands and knees.