Part 1 - Romantic vs. Rational

(tuesday morning)

last week i got the idea that i would make taryn a cd full of “lovy dovy” music. not the mushy kind, but the happy up beat kind. since she loves country music that it what i planned on making it of. so i went through my music library and found about 90 possible songs which i needed to listen to find the 20 or so that i would put on the cd. over the weekend i narrowed it down to 42 and finally 23. i even made a cd cover with a list of the songs on it.




sunday i called taryn to find out how her weekend went, but she didn't call me back. no big deal right? monday evening i gave her a call to find out if i could take her to lunch tuesday, but once again she didn't call me back. from what i know of taryn this isn't like her so i started to worry a bit. i started to wonder if something had happened to her or a family member. this morning, tuesday morning, i called her work to find out if everything was okay, and she said it was and that she was going to call me later that afternoon. then i asked if she would like for me to take her out to lunch and she said "i don't think so." to further confirm what was going through my mind i asked if we were still on for that night and she replied in a meek and sympathetic voice, "no." since she was at work i wasn't going to have her give me the speech that i knew would be coming, thus i told her that we could talk about it later.

at this point i was sad. though i hadn't been told that after 3 1/2 weeks of having an awesome time together it wasn't going to work out. i knew that is what was coming. after having a stressful day monday this wasn't what i wanted going through my mind and i knew that i needed to vent some of the stress that i was experiencing so i put on my running shoes, stretched, and took off running. after getting back from my run i felt better physically, but i was still sad. at this point i laid on my living room floor and prayed to God. i told God that though i hadn't heard it from taryn i pretty much knew what she was going to tell me later today and i wasn't going to pray that my thoughts weren't true. instead i prayed that God's will be done. despite my free will i do not own myself. for it is from him i came and to him i will go, and though i hardly understand why events happen the way they do, it is for a purpose far greater than i can see.

i've taken a few personality test over the past few years and it has been confirmed that i am a romantic, and that romantics are willing to fall flat on their face trying to find love. speaking from experience i can say that this is true. as i sit here and type this i can't help but be thankful for the time that i had with taryn during our fire cracker relationship, and i'm even more thankful that i only had to fall from the height of a bottle rocket and not a space ship in orbit. i've been in that space ship before and let me tell you, it hurts when it hits the ground. now as i sit here i struggle over the decision of whether or not to take the cd i made for taryn the 48 miles to her mail box. the romantic in me says to do it. it was made from the heart and it will make a statement as to how you feel. the rational part of my mind is telling me not to waste my time. that is 96 miles round trip for a girl that obviouly doesn't feel the same about you. normally my rational side wins hands down, but today is different. this isn't a cd or dvd we are talking about. i do not long for a cd or dvd like i long to be loved by a woman.

Part 2 - The Wall

(part 2 - tuesday night)

well folks, i did it. i drove 96 miles round trip and delivered my "hand made" playlist to taryn's mail box earlier today. after doing this all i could do is wait until later in the evening to talk to taryn via telephone to find out the truth. speaking from experience i knew that she didn't want to call me and tell me she was breaking up with me. so at 9pm i helped her with the first part and gave her a call. i can't say that i wanted to call her, but i'm all about truth. whether it is good or bad i want it. i was happy to find out that she listened to my custom made cd and she liked it, but i can't say that i was happy to get the you're not the one speech. it wasn't too hard to hear it since i had the day to prepare for it. i could tell that she felt bad for having to tell me this. i've been in her shoes before so i sympathized with her and i let her know that i would be okay.

i must say that i am still a bit confused. i'm confused because just a week and a half ago i received a card from her telling me that i brought to her a relationship that she had looked for since she was a teenager. she also loved that i was smart, imaginative, and truly listened to her, but in about the time it takes me to snap my fingers i here her telling me that by being with me she was reminded of what she liked about her ex. i'm feeling some bitter sweet feelings at the moment. i feel like i just walked into a brick wall with my eyes closed, but at the same time i had fun walking blind. well, that is until the wall came into play. i guess that's life, and sometimes life sucks.

Boy Scout Myth Busted

for a couple of years now i've had some friends that have referred to me as a boy scout. i've always taken this title as a joke. i might know a lot of boy scout like stuff and have a lot of integrity and honor, but i'm no boy scout. at least not in the official sense. i've never been a part of any scouting program, cub scout, boy scout, or eagle scout. sunday night at church my status as a boy scout seemed to have been more factual than mythological. during a conversation with a couple of friends sunday night i admitted that i was never a boy scout and a couple of my friends flipped! i've never confirmed the accusations about being a boy scout and i guess i've left it a mystery long enough for it to almost become a fact, but as of sunday i have busted that myth.

regardless of the official titles that i've held i'm still jlay, and being jlay in 2006 is like being bo jackson in the 80's. i know stuff. more stuff than the average guy. i might not be an official boy scout, but jlay knows boy scout stuff, and that's a fact.

One Hundred & Counting

100

Smokers & Their Butts

does it piss anyone else off when you see someone toss their cigarette butts on the ground? i must admit it really gets me going. today while leaving the bank the person who had just pulled in beside my car tossed their butt out the window on to the ground. the next thing i know i'm calling them a son of a bitch. it was a good thing my windows were rolled up. sometimes i just want to collect a bunch of cigarette butts in a bag and when i see someone toss one on the ground I want to walk over to them and dump my bag of cigarette butts on their head! is it wrong of me to feel this way? i don't think so. this is my earth too, and i don't think anyone has the right to mistreat the earth that i and my future descendants do and will inhabit. i say do what ever you want to your own body, but don't let your vices effect those around you or the future of our children. you know they make stuff for them to put their butts in. that lady who tossed it out of her car surly had an ashtray in her car. she probably just didn't want to put in in there because it would stink up her car or she just didn't want to hassle with cleaning it up later. i say stop being lazy and take responsibility for your actions.

Thank You Dinner

last night i attended a "thank you" dinner hosted by the Well Community. those who were invited had helped the church financially or through volunteer service. the dinner was more elegant than i could have imagined. i almost felt like i was at a wedding. it started with a dinner salad followed by the main course consisting of baked teriyaki chicken, green beans, steamed rice, and a roll. last but not least was a cherry cobbler for desert. it all was very good food and an all around great time. it was great hearing volunteers and community members speak on how the Well has impacted their life. my church as recently made a commitment to volunteer to serve the community a meal once a month. i have only been able to attend once to this point, but i must say that i had a great time and felt very rewarded emotionally and look forward to doing it again. here is a description of the Well Community from their website.

"the Well Community is a vibrant fellowship where men and women with mental illnesses and those who choose to share life with them connect and worship together. We connect and provide our Community Members with needed resources – material, emotional, spiritual – through weekly worship services and day-to-day counsel and friendship. In addition, we seek to inform, serve, and resource the greater Dallas faith-community, believing that every congregation in our city is affected by mental illness."

-http://wellcommunity.net/

A New Dining Experience

tuesday night i met up with a couple of old friends, david and brian, who owned an advertising agency that i use to work for. i met them at the genghis grill in plano. i had never been to a genghis grill before so i was excited to try something new. from what i read online i knew it was a mongolian stir fry restaurant, but exactly what that was i didn't know. we met up at 6pm and the place was fairly quiet, but that wouldn't last long. david was the only one of the three of us that had eaten at a genghis grill so he was our guide for the evening. we grabbed our aluminum bowls from our table and proceeded to get in a cafeteria style line. first i was to choose my meat. out of of 8 different choices of meat i chose beef. next i was to choose my spices. i chose crushed red peppers and a garlic powder. following the seasoning i had to choose my veggies. i chose carrots, broccoli, and baby corn. next i was to choose a sauce. i decided i would go with a garlic based sauce. last but not least i chose my starch, which was brown rice. from that point a cook took my bowl from me and dumped it on the grill. a few minutes later he handed it all back to me in a big red bowl full of my now cooked ingredients. it smelled wonderful. we all went back to our table and started chowing down. i must say that i chose my ingredients wisely because my food was divine! a bit spicy even for me, but still wonderful.

since it is an all you can eat setup we all went back for seconds. this time i noticed that they had a bunch of recipe cards on the wall to help you create your dish. that is a good idea, but i felt that was for the unimaginative and decided to mix it up all by myself again. this time i decided to go sweet. my ingredients were, chicken, asian garlic powder, pineapple, oranges, broccoli, carrots, baby corn, steamed rice, and teriyaki sauce. this concoction was good, but not as good as my first.

i must say that i loved my genghis grill experience and i most definitely will return!

Prayer Request

a dear friend of my cousin, Kerry Ellis, is battling cancer. she's a young mother of two, and at this point the doctors have given her chemo and now pain medication. according to the last report i heard progress had been made. i've been praying for her healing everyday for months now and my uncle emailed me a couple of days ago asking me to spread her story and have fellow followers of God pray for God to heal her. this has been my daily prayer.

dear Lord, i pray that you heal Kerry so that she is able to raise her children and live a long, healthy, and happy life. may she be a living testament to your power, love, and grace. i pray this in Jesus name, amen.

Which Is Cleaner?

today on abc's "good morning america" they featured a 12 year old whose science project was to find out if the toilet water at fast food restaurants was cleaner than the ice that came out of the fountain drink machine. she tested five restaurants in florida taking samples from the toilets, the ice dispenser behind the counter, and the dispenser that customers could access. she found that seven out of 10 machines dispensed ice cubes that were more contaminated than the water in the toilets. the ice contained more ecoli bacteria than the toilets!

a scientist from a well know university was on the show with the 12 year old girl to help explain some of the results and explain what this means to americans. he said though the results are disturbing they are nothing new. the only difference is now we know about the problem and can start to take actions to correct the it. he said that the problem is caused by the handling of the ice with unclean hands or improperly cleaned machines, and if you haven't become sick from drinking or eating the ice to this point that you shouldn't be afraid of getting sick from it in the future.

this news is a bit disturbing to me because when i'm eating at a public restaurant i generally order water with lemons and after i drink the water i eat the ice. now that i know about the ice being contaminated will i stop getting ice in my beverage or stop eating the ice? probably not, like the scientist said, if i haven't gotten sick to this point i shouldn't worry about getting sick in the future. heck, we've been doing it so long that we more than likely have developed an immunity to a lot of the bacteria that it contains. how many of you are going to stop ordering your drinks with ice?

Ouch!

I found this picture while reading about the science project referenced in the post above.

Basketball Day

yesterday i acted on an invitation of my friend david to go to play basketball at northwest bible church. i gathered through conversation that there were more people there than usual. at one point there must have been 25 men there to play basketball. to my surprise they had a very organized system for selecting teams that allowed everyone to play. even people like me who practically knew no one there. they had a board that had several boxes on it. to be on a team you just had to write your name in a box and after a box had five names in it you had a team. with there being so many players there i only played one game. i'm sure i could have hung around longer and played a couple more, but one was good enough for me.

i haven't played basketball since i played a game for the journey basketball team the past summer. since the games that were being played yesterday were full court games i didn't have a place to warm up. so i stepped onto the court only after stretching. i had not taken a shot, dribbled a ball, or ran a lap. the game was only an eleven minute game, but it was a fast paced full court game. it reminded me of high school. the only problem is i'm not in the shape i was in high school. so that eleven minutes of sprinting back and forth was all i felt like enduring. not to mention i took a couple of good shots out on the court. one of which was an elbow to the nose that left me a bit dizzy and tasting blood in my mouth. after it was all said and done my one shot wasn't all that off and i did make a lay-up.

despite my lack of readiness i'm not detoured from making another appearance. i've wanted something like this since i moved to dallas six years ago, and wondered if i would ever find it. i had started to think that the only place i would ever experience this was back in my hometown.

I Have A Pet I Didn't Know About

about a week ago i thought i saw a mouse pellet on my carpet, but nothing since then. that is until last night. last night i was sitting on my kitchen counter talking to taryn and i asked her what she was afraid of. to my surprise she said mice and rats. this surprises me because she isn't afraid of snakes. i might write another post dedicated to this phenomenon. ten minutes after she told me that she is afraid of mice i saw a mouse run across my kitchen floor! how ironic is that? i'm not sure if taryn will ever come visit me again. i'm not sure i'll ever understand why people are afraid of such a harmless animal.

Should I Be Disturbed?

today while shopping for some groceries i bought a six pack of guinness extra stout

and guinness draught

so that i could see which one i liked more. while cooking dinner i drank a bottle of the extra stout and after dinner i opened a bottle of the draught and took a swig. to my surprise i heard something rattle. the only place it could have come from was the bottle, but just to be sure i took another swig. at this point i was quite curious what was rattling in my bottle. was it a bottle cap or possibly a syringe? what ever it was i wanted to know. so i poured my beer into a glass so that i could get what ever it was out of my bottle. after while slowly pouring out my beer i noticed that the object wasn't coming out with the beer. when the bottle was free of liquid i took a peek and noticed a white and blunt looking object in the bottom. next i did what any dare devil would do. i stuck my finger into the bottle to feel of the blunt object. what ever it was i then knew that it was white, blunt, and plastic. to get the object out of the bottle i tried to break the bottle over the trash can by hitting it with a pair of scissors, but no go. that's when i decided to hit it with a pair of pliers. still no go. so i gripped the mouth of the bottle with the pliers and pulled, and the bottle broke. when i raised the butt of the bottle in the air the object came out.



i still don't know what it is, and i'm not sure if i should be disturbed or not. i can't say that i am, but i can't say that i shouldn't be either. i think i will call the number on the bottle and let them know about the strange object in my bottle. maybe i can find out what it is and what it does?

First Time Since 2002

on valentines day i had a date for the first time since 2002. over the past few years i've looked at not having a date as a positive. not having a date meant i didn't have to cough up any cash to show someone special to me that i cared. i started dating taryn a couple of weeks ago, and she didn't expect anything for valentines day. one reason being that we just started dating and the more important reason being that i was damn near broke. on the eve of valentines day she jokingly said that i should come eat lunch with her for valentines day, and i caught her off guard when i told her that i would.

so i drove the 48 miles from lewisville to midlothian to take my new and quite lovely girlfriend to lunch. we ate at a new restaurant called "kim & jenny's". it is a home cooked meal type of place and i must say that i had one hell of a chicken fried steak there. after lunch we went to the park down the street and enjoyed a quiet stroll before she had to be back at work. during our stroll we decided that it would be great if i could stay and eat dinner with her. so i chilled at her house for a few hours until she got off work.

that evening she cooked, for the first time, steak parmesan. that's right, steak parmesan. she had the meat to make chicken friend steak, but didn't have gravy to compliment it so instead she used the chicken fried steaks that she made in place of chicken for the chicken parmesan recipe. i must admit that i was a bit skeptical at first. after taking my first bite of steak parmesan i was impressed. it was truly a tasty treat. so i've not only found a hot girl that i get along with amazingly well, but i've found a girl that can really cook. not only was valentines day 2006 my first in 4 years, but it was better than any other i can remember and probably the cheapest one on record. not counting the dateless ones of course.

Different Days

since making the decision to become a full time financial advisor my days have been very different. it's almost like i'm on vacation. i don't have a job to wake up and go too and i can't remember the last time i woke up and didn't have a job to go to with the exception of my past vacations and holidays from work. i've spent the past few days calling my friends asking for their help in leading me to people that i can have a 45 minute meeting with to share how it is my company's crusade to help middle america and what that could mean to them. not to mention we provide our services complimentary.

i also emailed several friends whose phone numbers i didn't have for one reason or another, but i must say i've had a better response from calling people than emailing them. at this moment in time i don't feel the angst of not having a w-2 job with a steady paycheck. largely because i'm still receiving pay checks from my last job and will for the next couple of months.

i just hope that my friends and their friends and family are open to meeting with me. most people these days are use to being sold something or are constantly looking for the "catch". also, when i mention what i do they automatically assume that they need lots of money to work with me. i can understand this line of thinking since the rest of the industry won't help those with less than $50k or $100k to invest. it feels good to be the exception to the norm when it is a positive exception. i look foward to business picking up. i look forward to living a life of purpose. a life in which i can impact the lives of others in a postive way.

MOL Nation & Co

this is a collage of photos taken at MOL nation's red & white party hosted by sara the key master. good times.

Might As Well Have Been Drunk

last night i attended a securities study group down in midlothian. after the study group was over i decided to go hangout with taryn at her place, a couple of miles away. the next thing we know it is 2:00 am. at this point i'm tired and i need to go home. the only problem is home is 45 miles away. i've driven home many times while tired. there has been a couple of times in the past when i fell asleep and woke up a few seconds later in the lane next to me. each time this has happened it scared me to the point that there was not chance of me falling back to sleep.

last night i pushed it too far. last night while driving i once again fell asleep, but this time i paid a higher price than just scaring myself. after falling asleep at the wheel i crossed through the lane to the right of me and woke up to my car scratching the guard rail! this just about scared this shit out of me. from what i can gather i hit the rail while traveling around 50 mph. i thought i really jacked up my car so i took the next exit and pulled into a gas station to assess the damages. to my surprise all i did was scratch off paint in about seven places as well as scratch the hell out of my wheels, but no actually body damage.

while driving the rest of the 10 miles i had left to reach home i thanked God that i was still alive and my car was not messed up. i was really fortunate that all i did was scratch my car. what if i drifted over sooner and hit the end of the rail head on? what if i past the rail and ended up flipping my car in the ditch? what if i clipped another car and caused a serious accident? this truly disturbs me. i might as well have been driving drunk! there have been times in the past when i took a one or two hour nap before going home, but this time i didn't make such a sound decision and it could have cost me dearly. thankfully it will only cost me $500-$750 to fix my car, and i'm even more thankful that the repairs are only cosmetic and don't have to be made for me to operate my car.

Change Of Heart

this past friday i decided i wasn't going to go back the the printing company that i had been working at for five days. just to make sure that was the right decision i waited until sunday afternoon to make the phone call to tell the owner about my change of heart. i really like the purpose the company serves, but i didn't like the environment. though i was supposed to be learning the business i constantly felt like i was suppose to know it already. i was just getting some negative vibes and thought it would be in my best interest to listen to those vibes.

what i've decided is that for the next three months i'm going to focus on being a financial advisor. it is my passion and so many people need help these days. i feel wonderful when i am able to give a couple hope and relieve their worries by implementing a financial game plan that will secure there financial future. with the national savings rate at less that zero for over 12 months, something that hasn't happened since 1932-33, and credit card debt continuing to rise, i know there are millions of families who need help. the trouble is finding those who have come to the realization that they can't overcome this epidemic on their own. seriously people, help me help others. if you, a family member, or friend could use a financial coach, a free one at that, to implement the best possible game plan to get out of debt and save for retirement. please do them or yourself a favor and email me or call me. i promise you won't regret it.

I Look Like Someone Of Interest...

just before noon yesterday i dropped my car off at a car repair shop to get an oil change. they were busy and told me that my car would be ready in two or three hours. because i had a coupon for my oil change and more time than money i decided to leave it there and walk the three or four miles back to my apartment. on the way i stopped at a thrift store and bought two nice sports coats. one was 1.99 and the other was 2.49, but the girl rang them both up as 2.49. i didn't discover this until later and i wasn't about to go back to a thrift store and ask for a 0.50 refund.

i was about a third of a mile from my apartment when i looked down street and saw two police cars parked side-by-side at the other end of it. then next thing i know one of the cops pulls up behind me, gets out of his car and asks me if he could talk to me for a moment. i've been pulled over several time and each time i knew why, but this totally caught me off guard. all i was doing was walking down a sidewalk on my way home. he kindly asked me if i lived in the area, where i was going, what i'd been doing, and then for my i.d. i willingly co-operated because i can't knock a man for doing his job. his job of protecting the community i live in. i asked him what was going on and all he could tell me was that i resembled a man that was of interest to him.

Stock Show

yesterday evening i had a date with a woman named taryn, who is a part-time financial advisor like me, at the fort worth stock show. like me, taryn grew up in a country town, but i grew up "in town" and she grew up in what i would officially call the country. in school she took agricultural classes and really became immersed in that lifestyle. last weekend i asked taryn if she wanted to hang out with me sometime and she accepted. earlier this past week she suggested that we go to the stock show. i've never been to the stock show. so i was more than happy to go and see something new.

i might have grown up "in town", but i'm no stranger to farm animals. as of yesterday i can tell you that i was a stranger to the stock show lifestyle. it was fascinating to see how seriously people take showing animals in competition. it is a life style and a people that i'm quite comfortable with. there is just something that i find attractive about the simpler and more rugged lifestyle.

taryn and i walked around the show looking at the animals while she educated me on what people were doing and why they where doing it. it blew my mind to find out that there are professional cow groomers! i had my own personal tour guide to the show and that was awesome. there was one section that i was surprised to see and happen to know more about than she did. this was the rabbit show. i grew up owning a mini lop rabbit which is a bread that is known as a show rabbit. after an hour or so of walking and talking we stopped to eat. while i was in line buying my jambalaya she ran off to go buy a barbeque sandwich in another line, and without me know it show bought me a cookie. what better way to get a man's attention?

after eating we decided to go watch the rodeo. it just so happened that her boss's grandma is a ticket taker at the rodeo and we scored some free tickets! free tickets are always greatness. the rodeo lasted about two hours and ended at 9:45. we walked out to her car and talked for about 15 minutes out in the cold. it was there that we decided it was early and i suggested that we go hangout a dennys for a while. little did we know that a while would turn into almost six hours! we literally sat in dennys from 10:30pm until 4:15am talking. what is even more off is that all that was ordered at our table was my decaf coffee and her water. needless to say we had a great time together and i really look forward seeing her again.

Stiring Old Memories

on myspace.com some of my friends posted a bulletin that read like this...

Leave one memory of you and I together as a comment it doesn't matter if I know you a little or a lot, anything you remember. Dont write me, leave a comment. Next, repost this bulletin and see how many people leave a memory about you. Its actually pretty cool to see the responses!

a few of the people that posted this were friends from high school and i must say that it was nice to stop and take a moment to reminisce. it even provoked me to take a minute and look through the comments in my year books. as much as i enjoyed reminiscing i think i would also enjoy reading other's responses.

this morning i read a memory that my brother posted about him and i on myspace.com. this is what it said..."When I was saying good bye before i had to leave for Iraq and u told me everything was going to be ok and ill see ya when u get back." ...as i read this tears streamed down my eyes. i'm glad that i was able to be a rock for him to lean on in his time of need, and i'm glad that he made it home.

now i want you to leave one memory of you and I together as a comment.

Old Artist In Country Music

the other day i saw a brand new music video for kenny rogers, and i've recently seen dolly parton and loretta lynn on the boob tube as well. oh, and don't forget johnny cash a few years back. this is something very unique to country music. country music is about the only genre of main stream music that an older artist would get a record label to back them. country music has even had artist that use to be regarded as pop or rock artist during the 70's, 80's, and 90's pop their head in. in the last few months i've seen bon jovi and cheryl crow on cmt. you know, most every other genre of music seems to have an age span of 16 to 40 with most of the artist being closer to 16 than 40, but country's age span is 16 to 75 with most of the artist in the middle of those two numbers. country music isn't trendy or overly popular by any means. maybe that's why i like it, because i too am not trendy or overly popular.